UNITED STATES AIR FORCE ACADEMY

ORGANIZED WRITING

Too many writers start throwing ink before they know what to aim at. When you write, start with a clear sense of your purpose and audience, and arrange your ideas so you get to the point fast. Then write effective paragraphs and sentences.

Establish Your Purpose and Audience

You'll save time and rewrite less if you plan before you pick up a pen or start to dictate. In the planning stage, analyze your audience in light of your purpose by answering these questions:

What is my purpose?

Who are my readers?

What are their interests?

How much do they know already?

What will make it easy for them to understand or act?

You'll discover ideas as you write, but you'll wander less by keeping the answers to these questions in mind.

Start Fast, Explain as Necessary, Then Stop

Timid writing creeps up on the most important information. This kind of writing starts with background, then discussion, and finally the so‑what. With luck, the main point follows a sign such as therefore, consequently or due to the above. This slow buildup isn't chaotic; it enacts the way writers inform themselves. But the pattern isn't efficient, either. From the perspective of readers, it's the clue‑by‑clue pattern of mystery stories.

Your writing should follow the newspaper pattern. Open with the most important information and taper off to the least important. Avoid mere chronology. (Make your bottom line your top line.)

To find what to put first, think about the one sentence you'd keep if you could keep only one. Many letters and memos are simple enough to have such a key sentence, which should appear by the end of the first paragraph. The strongest letter highlights the main point in a one‑sentence paragraph at the very beginning. Put requests before justifications, answers before explanations, conclusions before discussions, and summaries before details.

Sometimes, as in a complex proposal or a reply to various questions, you may have many key points. They would overload the first paragraph if you tried to put them all there. In these cases, start with a general statement of purpose.

Here are some good beginnings:

We inspected the Directorate of Administration on 24 January 1994. Its overall performance was satisfactory. Special‑interest areas were also satisfactory

We request authorization to hire a full‑time clerk typist or reassign one from the word‑processing center.

This memorandum summarizes how we are planning the first step toward your goal of reorganizing the Air Force Reserve.

Sgt Frank Martin did a superb job during our recent engine change.

Delay your main point to soften bad news or to introduce a controversial proposal. But don't delay routinely. Readers, like listeners, are put off by people who take forever to get to the point. In most cases, plunge right in.

To end most letters, just stop. When writing to persuade rather than just to inform, end strongly with a forecast, appeal, or implication that activates the reader to do something. When feelings are involved, exit gracefully—with an expression of good will. When in doubt, offer your help or the name of a contact.

Use More Headings

Any document longer than three pages probably needs headings, so that readers can follow at a glance. Even a one‑page letter can benefit from headings when topics vary widely. Be informative; avoid relying on headings that use one or two vague words.

For: Procedures

Try: How to Complete DOD Form 76

For: Use of Contractors

Try: How Much Contractors May Charge

If you want the scoop, then group, otherwise it’s poop (Poorly Organized Offers Perplexity)

Write Effective Paragraphs

Keep paragraphs short. Cover one topic completely before starting another, and let a topic run for several paragraphs if necessary. But keep each paragraph down to roughly four or five sentences. Divide long paragraphs where your thinking takes a turn.

Now and then use a one‑sentence paragraph to highlight an important idea, such as the main point of a letter.

Use more lists. Look for opportunities to divide paragraphs into lists. This technique is especially important for staff papers and directives. As you can see, lists

Add white space for easy reading,

Show levels of importance,

Simplify--

Initial review,

Later revision,

Just remember to avoid dividing a paragraph into more than the three levels shown here. If you use too many lists within lists, readers will lose sight of the overall structure.

Take advantage of topic sentences. A paragraph may need a topic sentence—a generalization explained by the rest of the paragraph. Then again, it may not. The decision to use a topic sentence is among a writer's many judgment calls. A short paragraph announcing the time, place, and agenda of a meeting might begin with. "Here are details about the meeting." Yet such a topic sentence is probably unnecessary, for readers can follow the writer's thinking without it.

But suppose you're writing a report on ways to protect a particular military facility from attack. Your ideas are complex and the evidence needed to make them clear and convincing is considerable. So your paragraphs are likely to run longer and use more topic sentences than is the case in letters. Here's a model:

Because so much of the complex borders the river, its waterfront is especially vulnerable to attack. The naval station and the shipyard next to it have 1.5 miles of waterfront on the river's north bank. Together they have 13 dry docks and piers. Two piers are used to load fuel. Most of the piers extend to within 100 yards of the center of the river's main ship channel, and the river itself is only 900 yards at its widest.

The first sentence of the sample gives the paragraph a bull's eye. Because we know early where the facts are headed, the paragraph inspires confidence. A lesser writer might have left out the topic sentence or put it elsewhere in the paragraph or claimed more than the facts support Be alert to the advantages of topic sentences, for they help shape masses of information. Without them, some paragraphs make readers shrug and say, "So?"

Write Disciplined Sentences

So far we've talked about organizing letters and paragraphs so they call attention to important ideas. Now here are some important ways to avoid sentences that mumble: subordinate minor ideas, use more parallelism, place ideas deliberately, and try some mini-sentences.

Subordinate minor ideas. Besides clarifying the relationship between ideas, subordination prevents overusing and, the weakest of all, conjunctions.

Use more parallelism. Look for opportunities to arrange two or more equally important ideas so they look equal. Parallelism saves words, clarifies ideas, and provides balance. The first words of the series should use the same part of speech (verbs in the previous sentence).

For:

Try:

The symposium is a forum for the dissemination of information and is

not intended to establish standards.

The symposium is a forum for sharing information, not for setting standards.

For:

Try:

Effective 1 October, addressees will be required to utilize the cost accounts contained in the attachment. Addressees will cease reporting against cost accounts 1060, 2137, and 2340.

On 1 October, start using the cost accounts in the attachment and stop using cost accounts 1060, 2137, and 2340.

Place ideas deliberately. Start and finish a sentence any way you like, but keep in mind that ideas gain emphasis when they appear at either end. To mute an idea, put it in the middle.

Maintenance time may have to increase if more structural problems develop. (mutes increased time)

If more structural problems develop, maintenance time may have to increase. (stresses increased time)

For: I would like to congratulate you on your selection as our Employee of the Month for June.

Try: Congratulations on your selection as our June Employee of the Month.

Try some mini‑sentences. An occasional sentence of six words or less slows down readers and emphasizes ideas. The principle is illustrated in this next example from a general's memo to his staff.

I can get more information from the staff if each of you gives me less. Here's why. In a week, about 110 staff actions show up in my in‑box. I could handle these in a week if all I did was work the in‑box. Yet about 70% of my time in the headquarters goes not to the in‑box but to briefings. I could handle that dilemma, too—by listening to briefings and thinking about staff papers at the same time. I don’t.

Look for opportunities in your own writing to use mini‑sentences. They'll give it variety.

For: I apologize for not answering your letter sooner, but an extended TDY kept me away from my desk for three weeks.

Try: I should have answered your letter sooner. I apologize. An extended TDY kept me away from my desk for three weeks.

SPOKEN WRITING

Make your writing as formal or informal as the situation requires, but do so with language you might use in speaking. This isn't a call to copy every quirk of speech down to grunts and ramblings. And, granted, some people speak no better than they write. Still, because readers "hear" writing, the most readable writing sounds like people talking to people.

To make your writing more like speaking, begin by imagining your reader is sitting across from you. Then write with personal pronouns, everyday words, contractions, and short sentences. Together with questions, good tone, and concrete language, these techniques are the best of speaking.

Use Personal Pronouns

Though you needn't go out of your way to use personal pronouns, you mustn't go out of your way to avoid them. Avoiding natural references to people is false modesty. Whether you're a senior official or a subordinate, follow these principles:

1. Use we, us, our when speaking for your organization.

2. Use I, me, my when speaking for yourself.

3. Use you, stated or implied, to refer to the reader.

Multiplied across an entire letter, roundabout sentences like the next examples do severe damage. We would be laughed out of the room if we talked that way. Ordinary English is shorter, clearer, and just as official:

Not: Conceivably, funding constraints for this year will exceed in severity the financial scarcities that have been anticipated.

But We may have less money this year than we anticipated.

Not: The Naval Facilities Engineering Command, by reference (a), forwarded its draft master plan for the Washington Navy Yard to the Naval Supply Systems Command for review and comment. The following comments apply.

But: In response to reference (a), here are our comments on your draft master plan for the Washington Navy Yard.

Not: It is necessary that the material be received in this office by June 10.

But: We need the material by June 10.

Or: The material must reach us by June 10.

It is and this command complicate the next example. They force readers to put back the pronouns the writer took out. To make matters worse, the first it is refers to the reader, while the second refers to the sender.

Not: If it is desired that Marines be allowed to compete for positions on the pistol team, this command would be happy to establish and manage team tryouts. It is recommended that tryouts be conducted soon to ensure…

But: If you allow Marines to compete for positions on the pistol team, we would be happy to establish and manage the tryouts. We recommend that tryouts start soon to ensure…

Military writers can profit from an axiom of business writing known as the "you" attitude. It's a matter of showing greater concern for the reader than the writer by using you more than I or we. Better to say "the service you receive" than "the service we provide." Keep this distinction in mind, and when you have a choice, show that you see things from your reader's perspective by putting the emphasis on "you."

Can you overuse personal pronouns? In a few instances, yes. For example, you can use so many pronouns that readers lose sight of what the pronouns refer to. Besides, some subjects don't lend themselves to pronouns; the description of a plane's structure isn't likely to include people. Also, criticism hurts fewer feelings if delivered impersonally. "Nothing has been done" avoids the direct attack of "You have done nothing." Finally, if we or I opens more than two sentences in a row, the writing becomes monotonous and may suggest self‑centeredness. Still, military writers have a long way to go before overuse of pronouns is a problem. Most of us will benefit from using more natural references to people.

Talk to One Reader When Writing to Many

When you're writing to many people but none of them in particular, create in your mind a typical reader. Talk to that reader by using you and your, stated or implied. Only one person reads your writing at any one time, so the most readable writing speaks directly to one reader.

Not: All addressees are requested to provide inputs of desired course content.

But: Please send us your recommendations for course content.

Not: It is requested that all employees planning to take leave in December fill in the enclosed schedule.

But: If you plan to take leave in December, fill in the enclosed schedule.

When you write directives, look for opportunities to talk directly to a user. Procedures, checklists, or other how‑to instructions lend themselves to this cookbook approach. Imagine someone has walked up to you and asked what to do. The following example is from an instruction that repeated the duty officer dozens of times:

Not: The duty officer will verify that security responsibilities have been completed by putting his/her initials on the checklist.

But: When you complete the inspection, initial the checklist.

Rely on Everyday Words

The complexity of military work and the need for precision require some big words. But don't use big words when little ones will do. People who speak with small words often let needlessly fancy ones burden their writing. On paper help swells to assistance, pay to remuneration, and visit to visitation. The list goes on, and so does the damage from word inflation.

Do you remember the dude in those old Western movies who overdressed to impress the folks at the ranch? Overdressed writing fails just as foolishly. Here are some commonly overdressed words.

Not	But
commence	start
facilitate	help
optimum	best
promulgate	issue
utilize	use

Prefer short, spoken transitions over long, bookish ones. Save long transitions for variety. By preferring short ones, you help set an ordinary tone for the rest of what you say. (And, yes, you can start sentences with conjunctions.)

Not	But
consequently	so
however	but
in addition	also
nevertheless	still

Avoid legalistic lingo. Let a regulation's number or a letter's signature carry the authority instead of trying to put that authority in your language. Write to express, not to impress.

Not	But
aforesaid	the, that
heretofore	until now
herewith is	here is
the undersigned	I

All writers try to impress readers, but the best do it through language that doesn't call attention to itself. Size of vocabulary is less important than skill in manipulating the words you already know. See Appendix A for a list of simpler words and phrases.

Use Some Contractions

Contractions link pronouns with verbs (we'd, I’ll, you’re) and make verbs negative (don’t, can’t won't). They're appropriate for all but the most formal writing situations. Yet even when your final product will be a formal reprimand, for example, you can use contractions in drafts to help you write naturally.

The point is that if you're comfortable with contractions, your writing is likely to read easily, for you’ll be speaking on paper. And because the language is clear, you're more likely to spot holes in your thinking that need to be filled.

If contractions seem out of place, you may need to deflate the rest of what you say. In the next sentence, something has to go, either the opening contraction or the inflated language that follows: "It's incumbent upon all personnel to effect energy savings." Written naturally, the sentence might read, "It's your job to save energy."

Keep Sentences Short

For variety mix long sentences and short ones, but average under twenty words. Though short sentences won't guarantee clarity, they're usually less confusing than long ones. You needn't count every word. Try the eye test: average under two typed lines. Or try the ear test: read your writing aloud and break up most of the sentences that don't end in one breath. In the next example, we first break the marathon sentence into manageable units and then make the writing sound like speaking.

Not: It is requested that attendees be divided between the two briefing dates with the understanding that any necessary final adjustments will be made by DAA to facilitate equitable distribution. (29 words)

Uh: It is requested that attendees be divided between the two briefing dates. Any necessary final adjustments will be made by DAA to facilitate equitable distribution. (12,13 words)

But: Send half your people on one day and half on the other. DAA will make final adjustments. (12, 5 words)

Ask More Questions

A request gains emphasis when it ends with a question mark. Do you hear how spoken a question is? Look for opportunities to reach out to your reader:

Not: Request this headquarters be notified as to whether the conference has been rescheduled.

But: Has the conference been rescheduled?

Not: In an effort to improve the cost of office copier operation, it is requested your firm complete the attached form relating to office copiers which you would propose to rent/lease.

But: Would you let us know on the accompanying form what you charge to rent or lease your copiers?

Listen to Your Tone

Speakers have gesture, voice, and movement to help them communicate. Writers only have words on paper. Recognize your disadvantage as a writer and remember to pay special attention to tone.

Tone—a writer's attitude toward the subject or reader--causes relatively few problems in routine writing. The more sensitive the reader or issue, however, the more careful we must be to promote good will. Tactlessness in writing suggests clumsiness in general. When feelings are involved, one misused word can make an enemy.

Imagine you are a reservist who has asked to stay on active duty even though you have a serious illness. How does the following answer strike you?

Because you have failed to pass the prescribed physical examination, you will be removed from active duty.

Failed? Removed? These words hint at crime and punishment. To avoid such tactlessness, the tone should be positive.

Negative	Positive
Opportunity is limited.	Competition is keen.
Stop writing badly.	Start writing well.
Don’t use the small hoist.	Use the big hoist.
The cup is half-empty.	The cup is half full.

The positive approach removes some of the sting from the reservist's answer. Here's a possibility:

Given the results of your physical examination, we must transfer you to the Retired Reserve.

The structure of the letter was better than the wording of the "failed" sentence. The letter opened by acknowledging the favorable endorsements that accompanied the request to stay on active duty, and it closed by thanking the reservist for his years of service. This tactful arrangement helped to soften the bad news.

Now imagine you've asked for more time to complete a correspondence course. Here's the last sentence of the letter that turns you down:

If we can be of further assistance, please do not hesitate to write.

Beware of rubber-stamp endings such as the one you just read. They don't improve good letters or save bad ones. To the reader whose request has been denied, further assistance promises further disappointment. The closing sentence should be dropped entirely or tied to the rest of the letter with positive language:

This setback aside, we hope you will take advantage of other correspondence courses available to you.

In all fairness to the writer, the letter did explain the denial in enough detail to avoid any hint of a brush-off. Most no answers need some explanation. Yes answers need little explanation because readers get what they want.

Be Concrete

Without generalizations and abstractions, lots of them, we would drown in detail. We sum up vast amounts of experience when we speak of dedication, programs, hardware, and lines of authority. But such abstract language isn't likely to evoke in a reader's mind the same experiences it evokes in a writer's. Lazy writing overuses such vague terms. Often it weakens them further by substituting adjectives for examples: immense dedication, enhanced programs, viable hardware, and responsive lines of authority.

If you write, "The solution to low morale and poor discipline is good leadership," your readers may feel warm all over. But until you point out some specific behavior meant by low morale, poor discipline, and good leadership, neither you nor your readers can tackle the problem. Similarly, don't use a general word if the context allows for a specific one. Be as definite as the situation permits.

For	Try

aircraft	plane
plane	F-16
improved costs	lower costs
enhanced method	faster method? cheaper method?

Vague, high-sounding language also weakens job descriptions. Someone is said to "assist and advise in the organization management aspects of manpower management." Another "serves as a system proponent to transition from current capabilities to architectural projections." But what do these people really do? After all, a person who "serves as a direct interface with interstate commerce" may be only a highway flag holder.

Performance evaluations suffer when writers make extravagant, unsupported claims. Someone actually wrote this next example, and someone else has it ticking in his files.

Engaged in an assignment of a highly complex and technical nature, Sgt Anderson has molded on-the-job experience, diligence, and perseverance to a point where his seniors and supervisors can inevitably afford credence to his work and the conclusions he derives therefrom.

An effective evaluation shows what a person did and how well he or she did it. it's concrete enough to inspire confidence in the writer's judgment about the ratee's performance and potential.

CONCISE WRITING

Concise writing includes only those ideas that readers need, and it gives those ideas no more words than they deserve. Careful audience analysis and a willingness to be hard on yourself are essential for conciseness. Have you included too much background? Do excessive details bury your point? Are you keeping an irrelevant idea just because it sounds ever so fine?

You can say too little, of course, and not persuade your readers that a certain problem is serious or that your solution is worthwhile. Sometimes simple courtesy requires bulk; a one‑sentence letter of praise is just too abrupt. But the point remains the best writing, like the best machinery, has no unnecessary parts.

Don't be overly concerned about conciseness when you are getting your ideas on paper. If you try to create and edit at the same time, you may bog down in detail and lose sight of your point. When you polish your writing, though, look for wordiness everywhere. Question the need for every paragraph, every sentence, every word. The longer you take to say things the weaker you come across and the more you risk blurting important ideas. In the war against wordiness, the best weapon is a writer's ruthlessness. Let's review some common forms of wordiness that are easy to spot and avoid:

Avoid "it is and "there is"

No two words hurt military writing more than it is. They stretch sentences, delay meaning, hide responsibility, and encourage passive verbs. Unless it refers to something mentioned earlier, avoid it is. Spare only spoken expressions such as "It is time to..." or "It is hard to…" and an occasional pointing expression such as "it is your job to…" (not someone else's).

Not	But
It is requested	We request, please
It is my intention	I intend
It is necessary that you	You need to, you must
It is apparent that	Clearly
It is the recommendation of this office that	We recommend

Not: It is mandatory that all personnel receive flu vaccinations.

But: All personnel must receive flu vaccinations.

Not: It is requested that all badges be surrendered upon departure of your group from the restricted area

But: Return all badges when your group leaves the restricted area.

Like it is constructions, forms of there is make sentences start slowly. Don't write these delayers without first trying to avoid them.